Why Silence Is Costing You Deals, Raises and More Money

“It never hurts to ask.”

People nod when they hear that. They agree. Then they ignore it.

Because asking feels risky. Asking puts your ego on the table. Asking opens the door to rejection. Asking forces you to admit you want something.

Most adults hate that feeling.

So they stay quiet.

They convince themselves that the timing is off. The ask is too big. The other person is too busy. The answer is probably no anyway. That logic sounds responsible. But, it is actually expensive.

Related: How Crisis Taught Me to Ask for Help

The opportunities that die quietly

The most common answer you will ever receive is not ‘no.’

It is silence.

Not because the other person would have said no, but because you never asked in the first place.

I see this constantly. People want the deal, but never send the email. They want the raise, but never start the conversation. They want the partnership, but wait for the perfect intro. They want the house, but never make the offer.

They assume rejection will hurt more than regret. They are wrong. Regret compounds. You remember the chances you did not take far longer than the nos you received and moved past.

Why asking feels hard as an adult

Kids ask for everything. Can I have dessert? Can I stay up later? Can I try again?

Adults lose that instinct.

Somewhere along the way, asking got wrapped up in pride. We started believing self-reliance meant silence. We confused confidence with not needing anything from anyone.

That mindset kills momentum. Entrepreneurship does not work without asking. Neither does leadership. Neither does growth. Every meaningful step forward involves a request.

Capital.
Advice.
Forgiveness.
Help.
A chance.

No one builds anything alone, even if they pretend they did.

Real estate taught me to ask before anything else

My entire career started because I asked questions. I did not grow up knowing how to invest. I did not wake up one day magically understanding deals, capital stacks or risk tolerance.

I asked.

I asked investors how they thought about money. I asked developers why certain projects worked and others failed. I asked smarter people to explain things I did not understand yet.

If I had stayed quiet, I would still be selling one deal at a time and wondering what else was possible. Instead, curiosity changed the trajectory. Those early questions led me from brokerage into investing. They led me into rooms I did not think I belonged in yet. They eventually led to investing in more than 150 deals.

That shift did not happen because I was fearless.

It happened because I was willing to sound curious. Every career change I am proud of started with a question.

Related: Asking for Help Might Be the Key to Your Success

Asking is the skill behind every deal

Real estate is one long exercise in asking. You ask sellers for flexibility. You ask buyers to stretch. You ask lenders to move faster. You ask partners to trust your vision.

Some say no.

Many say yes.

The wins never come from the asks you did not make. Some of my best deals came from questions that felt uncomfortable in the moment. Offers that felt aggressive. Conversations I almost talked myself out of.

Almost. That word matters. Almost asking does nothing. Every meaningful transaction I can point to today traces back to a moment where I chose discomfort over silence.

Coffee, lunch and the power of curiosity

I once wrote about how I try to meet someone new for coffee or lunch almost every day. People asked me what the secret was. There is no secret. I ask questions.

Those meetings are not about pitching. They are not about proving how much I know. They are about listening and learning.

What are you working on?
What problem keeps showing up?
What would you do differently if you started today?

Those questions unlock opportunities you cannot Google.

Some meetings turn into friendships. Some turn into investments. Some turn into nothing at all. All of them compound perspective. Curiosity turns conversations into catalysts.

Related: How to Ask for the Help You Need To Succeed

Rejection is data, not a verdict

Here’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me. No is not personal. It is informational. No tells you timing is off. Or priorities differ. Or the structure needs work. No sharpens the next ask.

People who avoid asking treat rejection like a character flaw. People who win treat it like feedback. There is a massive difference.

The most successful people I know hear no all the time. They just do not stop because of it. They keep asking better questions.

They keep adjusting the approach. They keep moving.

Asking builds confidence faster than winning

This sounds backward, but it is true. Confidence does not come from success. It comes from repetition.

The more you ask, the less scary it becomes. You learn how to phrase things clearly. You learn how to read the room. You learn that most people are reasonable and many are generous.

You also learn that a no does not break you. Avoiding the ask keeps fear alive. Making the ask shrinks it.

Action beats anxiety every time.

Leaders who ask create stronger teams

Leaders who never ask for input think they look strong. They do not. They look closed off.

Great leaders ask questions constantly. They ask for ideas. They ask for feedback. They ask for help when they need it. That behavior creates trust. Your team does not expect perfection. They expect honesty and direction.

Asking invites ownership. Silence creates distance. If there is something you want, ask.

Ask clearly. Ask respectfully. Ask without apology.

Careers change because of questions. Relationships deepen because of questions. Opportunities appear because someone spoke up.

“It never hurts to ask.”

People nod when they hear that. They agree. Then they ignore it.