Even Senior Leaders Get These Things Wrong About Confidence

Many executives think confidence is loud and comes from success. The reality is that true confidence is more subtle. It isn’t something you think your way into. It requires you to look inside, get honest with yourself and be open to constantly growing.

As a certified confidence coach who leverages trauma-informed best practices, I’ve worked with senior advisors to household names like Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg and Reed Hastings. These individuals can move markets and impact billions of humans, but they still struggle with confidence and imposter syndrome, worrying that one day they’ll be “found out.”

Rarely do they reach out wanting to “be more confident.” Still, many of their challenges — influencing at the executive level, navigating complex relationships and speaking up to their boss — are tied to a confidence gap. As we address their challenges and how to be more effective in the workplace, they realize they have many misconceptions about executive confidence. Let’s explore them.

Myth #1: Confidence is loud

To be liked, trusted and truly influence others, it’s not about how much or how loudly you speak. I recall an executive asking me to review the transcript of a senior leadership meeting they were invited to. I pointed out that the most senior person in the meeting only spoke two or three times during the hour-plus meeting, yet completely shifted the direction of the conversation. She was confident and knew when her voice would make the biggest impact.

Leaders often mistake loudness for confidence. They think they simply need to speak up more to be seen as confident. The reality is that the most powerful people are often the quietest in the room. They know when to speak up and what to say.

Related: 6 Ways to Build Unshakeable Business Confidence

Myth #2: Confidence is charisma

There’s a difference between being charming and being influential. While charm can work in certain situations, it won’t lead to real, sustained confidence as a leader. This is especially true as more companies embrace AI and technology and seek data to support their decisions.

Sure, it can be helpful to role-play confidence to learn what it feels like in your body. But “faking it till you make it” isn’t true confidence. In fact, it can backfire when you come off as inauthentic. Charisma can be seen as performative. Confidence is something you internalize and embody.

Myth #3: Confidence comes from results

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard leaders say a variation of, “I’ll be confident when…” They typically believe once they receive a certain title or accolade — a constantly moving target — they’ll be confident.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with external achievements bolstering your confidence, chasing external proof keeps you dependent on outside approval. Instead of outsourcing your confidence, consider how you can find it within yourself.

A quick way to begin is to make a list of what makes you qualified for your role, along with evidence that backs it up. This second step is critical for combating imposter syndrome, as it helps you internalize your successes rather than attributing them to luck or chance.

Myth #4: Confidence eliminates doubt

Confidence isn’t a cure-all. No matter how much you wish for it, your feelings of doubt won’t completely disappear once you bolster your self-confidence or address your imposter syndrome. Yes, you may feel more self-assured in your ability to make decisions and minimize your regret, but you’ll likely doubt yourself from time to time.

The truth is that the most confident leaders are also humble and curious. They realize that they’re constantly learning and questioning. I’ve coached executives at some of the largest tech companies in the world, who manage multibillion-dollar budgets and impact thousands of employees. I find that the more confident they are, the more open they are to feedback, learning and growing. They recognize that confidence isn’t the absence of doubt but the ability to keep showing up anyway.

Related: Stuck On ‘What If It Doesn’t Work?’ Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Myth #5: Confidence is permanent

Many leaders believe that once they feel confident, it’ll last forever. They think that once they achieve it, their work will be finished.

The truth is, confidence is a feeling that ranges in intensity. It can also be impacted by difficult colleagues and bosses, reorganizations, layoffs and life transitions. Building confidence is like building a muscle. It requires consistent effort and will deteriorate if you don’t work it out.

Ultimately, confidence is nuanced. It’s not about being loud and charming or relying on titles to feel worthy. It’s about knowing when to speak up, internalizing your accomplishments and staying open to learning. These are what build your confidence muscle and keep it strong throughout your career and life. You’ve got this!

Many executives think confidence is loud and comes from success. The reality is that true confidence is more subtle. It isn’t something you think your way into. It requires you to look inside, get honest with yourself and be open to constantly growing.

As a certified confidence coach who leverages trauma-informed best practices, I’ve worked with senior advisors to household names like Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg and Reed Hastings. These individuals can move markets and impact billions of humans, but they still struggle with confidence and imposter syndrome, worrying that one day they’ll be “found out.”